


How Arthur found out ?

by viflow



Series: ARTHUR'S SECRET [3]
Category: Merlin (TV), Merthur - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Perspective, Angry Gwaine, Angst... Lot of Angst, Arthur-centric, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, M/M, Pining Arthur, Season 4 ep 07 related, angry arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 16:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8292898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viflow/pseuds/viflow
Summary: Season 4 episode 07 related. Sequel to '' What Arthur found out?''Agravaine’s words twisted something in Arthur’s gut when he mentioned Merlin's name again.  A bitter reminder of his failure and betrayal of Merlin's thrust in him. His clenched fingers bit into his palms as his muscles flexed and his fists clenched even tighter. His face hardened, his jaw twitched as he was biting the insides of his cheek. He had to swallow hard as  his heart lurched.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's a sequel to ''What Arthur Found Out?'' so it makes sense to read that first. But can be read own it's own.  
> Season 4 episode 07 related.  
> Merlin and it's characters as well as some of the dialogs in this fic belongs to the BBC.

Arthur didn’t witness a single sunrise without his first thought being not about Merlin. It wasn’t actually true, because his dreams were also full of Merlin, but he couldn’t control his dream, could he now.

Not that he was much more successful when he was awake. Memories of Merlin just kept coursing through his mind, sometimes at the most inconvenient times.

Actually everything reminded him of MERLIN. He's been haunted by Merlin's absence, by the ghost of him everywhere.

*******

Just him and Merlin in the warmth, darkness and privacy of his chamber, their heads bent together over the table: discussing strategies. Merlin sharpening Arthur's sword or polishing his armor in comfortable silence. Merlin babbling endlessly on and on about gossips. Merlin complaining about something while Arthur is sitting in his chair, feeling relaxed and content just by staring at Merlin's scrunched up nose and cherub face.

There wasn't a place Arthur would rather be than in their private bubble in his room, with just the two of them inside.

Arthur and his Merlin. Not a King and his manservant. Merlin pouting, Merlin huffing and puffing or scolding Arthur about his recklessness. Arthur’s laugh and Merlin’s happy, sunshine smile.

The two of them sitting next to each other by a crackling fire in the woods on their countless adventures together. The two of them fighting beasts and bandits, magical creatures and breaking curses.

Merlin’s presence during council sessions behind him, having a soothing effect on Arthur. Just the knowledge that Merlin was there, made the most boring and tedious meetings and tasks bearable.

Merlin sitting and waiting for him, patient and attentive, at the edge of the training field. His gaze on Arthur through the day, filled with so much pride and affection that Arthur couldn’t help but bathed in it with delight.

Merlin's support. Merlin's trust. Merlin's faith in him. 

Merlin could always cheer Arthur up if he felt sad, miserable or wretched. Merlin always had the right words to pull Arthur back from his self-doubt and despair. He would look at Arthur with an expression of devotion and intent in his clear blue eyes, and Arthur would feel like all the weight had been lifted off his shoulders at once, and he could face anything, win every battle with Merlin at his side. Merlin would smile then, a genuine, warm, Merlin smile and it would spread over Arthur, soothing the doubts and bad moods, and Arthur would have done anything to keep Merlin look at him like that.

He only had to smile, and he wrapped Arthur around his long finger and Arthur would risk everything for his foolish, adorable servant.

Only Merlin could make him like that. Only Merlin could made the difference, he made everything- made Arthur different. He stormed into Arthur’s life and turned everything upside down. He’s been always by Arthur’s side in the last nine years and Arthur couldn’t even contemplate a world anymore without him.  


And it would scare him; the power, Merlin had over him. And he would break the moment by throwing some barbs at Merlin and Merlin would just as easily and cheekily retort with some witty insult.

                                                    ****************************

He had missed Merlin more than he’d have ever imagined. When had Merlin become so important to him? So vital? Like the air Arthur breathed and the food he ate. Merlin was a nourishment to his soul and heart and without his presence, these two fragile things are famishing and with each passing day dying slowly in agonise.

Arthur could feel the now familiar fury of his anger- intense and deep-rippling through him in a hot, painful wave. It stole his breath and without realising, he was clenching his fists at his sides.

Determination rose, hot and heavy inside him.

Merlin left him. It was his choice and he left him.

He was a bloody King and not some whining girl. He can’t let anyone- not even Merlin-interfere with his plans, responsibilities and duties to Camelot. Yeah...his duties. And it just made him to think about his uncle and brought him back again to that night.

******************************************

_When Gwaine stormed up the stars with two guards bringing Gaius’s body, Arthur was alert._

_‘’What happened?’’ he asked._

_''We found him. He’d been kidnapped.'' Gwaine answered with a mix of satisfaction and a flicker of condemn in his voice. Then his expression quickly transferred into concern when his eyes snapped to Gaius’s anguished body. ‘’He is in a bad way.’’_

_Arthur felt sick. A stabbing ache rippled his chest as regret and guilt twisted through him with the force of a living thing._

_Gaius was innocent._

_And Arthur didn’t believe in him. He didn’t believe Merlin. A flashing image of Merlin ran through his mind: Merlin with tears shimmering in his eyes as he was standing there pale, frozen and rigid from his disappointment and disillusionment in Arthur._

_Arthur felt his stomach drop. He drew his hand over his face. He hoped Merlin could forgive him. He prayed that the damage he caused this time in Merlin's soul, had not been too severe to repair._

_With a sinking feeling in his heart, he hurried after Gwaine to check on Gaius._

_Then he was just standing there, his fists clenched behind his back as he was staring at Gaius’s unconscious face with concern while Guinevere gently moped his brow. 'It’s my fault. I’ve put him into this state,' his inner voice kept accusing him._

_"It seems I misjudged Gaius," Agravaine’s voice, sounding heavy with regret, got through the penetration of Arthur’s guilt. "Merlin was right all along." And for some unexplainable reason, his Uncle's words and tone, somehow, just didn't sound right to Arthur._

_A hot ball of emotion started to burn in Arthur’s chest, "We were lucky he found him," he pressed through the tightness in his throat._

_"Indeed," Agravaine agreed quickly,. "If it hadn't been for the tenacity of your boy, Gaius would be dead. We both owe Gaius and… Merlin an apology, my Lord." He pointed out._

_Agravaine’s words twisted something in Arthur’s gut when he mentioned Merlin again. A bitter reminder of his failure and betrayal of Merlin's thrust in him. His clenched fingers bit into his palms as his muscles flexed and his fists clenched even tighter. His face hardened, his jaw twitched as he was biting the insides of his cheek. He had to swallow hard as his heart lurched._

_Gaius is innocent. And if he is innocent... An ugly trail of suspicion started to crawl inside his chest and his heart sunk into his boot. Of all the people who had known about the treaty and the secret route they'd planned, only one possible traitor is left._

_Everything, every word, every choice, every whispered implication of his Uncle suddenly became crystal clear. How could he be so blind?!_

_He couldn't bear the sight of his Uncle! He couldn't even look at him! Not now! He'll deal with him later._

_' Merlin. God, Merlin. Merlin had been right. And I didn’t listen. I dismissed him cold handed, without a doubt. He had been correct and right so many times before, he earned the right to be listened to. But I didn’t. I stepped on him and stumped him into the ground again. How must he feel ?! JUST A SERVANT. Whose word counts nothing. Who is nobody and nothing.'_

_I BETRAYED HIM IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY AND DESTROYED HIS FAITH IN ME._

_What have I done? Merlin! I must see him! Maybe he could find it in himself to forgive. Maybe it’s not too late._

_He sent one last glance towards Gaius, then without a further word to his uncle, Arthur spun on his heels and stormed out of the room._

_"Merlin!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the hall. Now, just thinking about it, Arthur was a bit surprised that Merlin wasn’t hovering by Gaius side. What could have kept him behind?_

_‘’Where is Merlin?’’ He asked Gwaine when he caught him in the hall._

_Gwaine face was tight with anger, his eyes steely as he was staring daggers at Arthur.‘’ Oh, you should have thought about him before..... Just right before you dismissed him without a word, like a garb of rubbish.''_

_Gwaine's words stung like a cold snap across Arthur’s face. He was outraged that Gwaine had spoken to him in such a manner, yet he felt the barb of every accusation in his chest... Because Gwaine was right._

_‘’ You broke his heart and soul with your last show of loyalty to him.’’ Gwaine spat with sarcasm, his fists clenched._

_'How dare he talk to him like that,' Arthur thought outraged._

_But then Gwaine has always been deviant, and just like Merlin: harboured a great disregard toward status and nobility. Arthur has always been jealous of Gwaine. About his easy comrade and strong friendship with Merlin. He wasn’t stupid. He knew Gwaine was there, he became his knight- because of Merlin. He knew Gwaine was in love with Merlin. He saw the way he looked at him. He remembered the stab of jealousy when he watched Merlin riding away with Gwaine from his window. It shouldn't have been Gwaine Merlin turned to when he needed help. It should have been him. That's how it always used to be between them, and it shouldn’t have changed because Gwaine joined them._

_Arthur hated the idea of sharing Merlin's attention. He knew it was ridiculous because Merlin wasn't his, he wasn't his property, and he was just about to marry Gwen.. He had no right. But still, a part of Arthur demanded that yes, Merlin was his: his manservant, his advisor, his confident, his best friend, his... Everything._

_Gwaine's hard eyes narrowed as he bore them into Arthur’s and there was venom in his voice when he threw his barbs at him._

_''He cared deeply about you. God knows why, you never did anything to deserve it. He gave you all of himself, his devotion---" Gwaine paused for a second before he continued with a long sight, "even his heart...And you treated it as if it were nothing. All you did was take and take...as if it was your bloody, high and mighty right.’’_

_Arthur flinched at that and swallowed hard, everything tangling into a lump in this throat, so, he couldn't even think what his response should be. Then he recalled who and where he was, and his face hardened._

_''Go away," Arthur snapped, hard like a whiplash. "Get out of my sight this instant.’’_

_Gwaine met Arthur’s anger head on. The two men stared down and squared off against each other like coming to blows._

_Arthur tensed, his muscles bunching with readiness, his mouth thinned, his face darkened with anger._

_Gwaine straightened his spine and kept his hard eyed gaze on Arthur as a fresh burst of rage spread on his face. ‘’ Oh give it a rest, Princess, are you upset that Merlin left? The Royal Pratnes' fool manservant? That’s all he ever was to you. Someone to admire you and tell you how fucking brave and mighty you are.’’_

_Arthur's face flashed with fury. His pulse raced faster, blood ponding in his ear like a rataplan._

_He attacked with vengeance, anger and jealousy lending a brutal edge to his blow. To his surprise , Gwaine held him off, blocking his crashing swing with his underarm._

_An instant later his mind caught on and tried to scramble the pieces together of Gwaine words…. The past tense Gwaine spoke about Merlin….. Left?!_

_Dread washed over him. His heart, his breath, everything inside him stopped working. Except his mind, which was working too quickly , trying to process the dreaded words._

_His arm fell to his side, his voice strangled and choked when he managed to ask. ‘’What do you mean.... left?.... What are you speaking about ?’’_

_Some of the fire went out of Gwaine’s eyes and Arthur detected a bit of surprise in the other man's gaze when he swept it over Arthur's face. ‘’ He left Arthur. He is not coming back.'’_

_Arthur struggled for breath, he could no longer breathe. His chest burned. The air was nothing and he was choking. He felt dizzy from the lack of air. His head snagged, his shoulder bunched, and his legs shook. His knees buckled, he felt like falling. One of his trembling hands reached out to hold against the wall, preventing his body from crumpling to the ground. His other hand grabbed and pressed down hard on his abdomen against the pain, when his body bent itself in half under the weight of his anguish. His heart raced as fear and panic rose inside him._

_‘’He could..dn’t...he couldn't... have left me. It’s... Merlin. He would....he would not.....he would never leave me.’’ Arthur stuttered, his lips not able to form coherent words, his mind protesting against the cruelness of the truth._

_Gwaine looked at him as if he's gone a bit mad, and Arthur felt the possibility wasn't out of the question right then. But there was also something akin to sympathy in Gwaine's voice, and for a heartbeat compassion flashed through his face when he looked down at Arthur's slumped form and asked solemnly._

_‘’Why is it, that you only ever show your feelings either when he is in danger or isn’t around to see it?‘’ He raised one eyebrow. ‘’You deserve to suffer though. He believed in you. And you almost destroyed him.'' Gwaine paused for a second then a small, indulgent smile played the edge of his lips. ''If he was mine, and he had that much faith in me, I would cherish it and would do anything to hold onto it.’’_

_Gwaine’s words felt like blade, slicing Arthur in two._

_He looked into Gwaine’s too knowing gaze as he straightened himself up, and saw the deep sadness there. His legs still shaking, he kept his hand on the wall for leverage while he stumbled into his room. Once inside, he let his body slide along the door and pressed his hand against the numbness and hollow in his chest._


End file.
